Preparation for a new nation! (and the struggles that come with leaving)

Originally written: June 10, 2010

It's a beautiful Thursday morning in San Luis Obispo. A few hours ago I awoke to the sound of roommates downstairs and birds chirping outside my window while the bright morning sun shone through the cracks of my curtains. As I laid in bed enjoying the last few days of the morning sounds in this house, I started to realize how soon I would be leaving the country! Friday night will be my San Luis Obispo goodbyes and Monday night will be my San Diego goodbyes as I head to LAX for departure. Talk about a surreal feeling - a mixture of excitement, anxiety, fear, and unknown emotions roll through my body, coming and going like intense waves crashing on the shores of Wind and Sea, as I prepare to leave the ones I love for six weeks.

Daniel, me, Mom, Thomas, Dad, and Grandpa at T's ROTC graduation

Six weeks, you say? Not that long, right? Well for a homebody, it's a bit nerve-wracking. Six weeks can go by in the blink of an eye though. It is only a few days shy of six weeks since I rushed home from Cal Poly to visit my mom in the hosptial. Little did I know, because six weeks from that moment my life would be dramatically different. That week, after my mom was admitted to the hospital, she was diagnosed with breast cancer that had spread to every part of her body and had even reached her brain. I stood in disbelief that my beautiful, strong, coragoeus mother could be seriously, truly laying in a hospital bed in front of me, suffering from such an overpowering disease. She never left the hospital, not physically at least, until May 7, 2010 at 11:15pm when the good Lord carried her soul in His arms from this earth to Heaven, a realm of life that is so out of this world that we cannot even begin to comprehend. As my brother, Daniel, said, "goodbye Mom. we shall miss you terribly. but we know youre in a better place, enveloped in the arms of Jesus, the arms of Love."

Easter Sunday 2009 in Avila Beach, San Luis Obispo, CA

It all happend so fast, no one could believe the breast cancer diagnosis, the doctors saying the window of opportunity for treatment had passed, the nurses saying they would make her as comfortable as possible, the last kiss I gently placed on her head, the last run of my fingers over her precious hands that were as soft as a rose petal yet told of the years of hardships she endured. As I tell people that I came back to school to take finals and in a few days I'm leaving the country, they cannot believe it - but I can. My family can, they've felt it too. The strength of the Lord has upheld me and my family in this time of hurt, pain, and sorrow. As I sit in this room and peer out the window to a world so much bigger than me and a world that holds mysteries and adventures beyond my imagination, I pray to God and thank him for the strength that He has graciously lavished upon my dad and my brothers and myself. I have a dad that has upheld me physically when I was weak and needed a hug, emotionally when I needed arms to wrap around me and a chest to weep on, and spiritually when my faith in God was confusing as I came to grips with the sickness and, soon after, the loss of my mom. My brothers, both younger yet way taller than me, have shown maturity beyond our expectaions. Each one has stepped up to take care of different roles within the house and I have given me big hugs of love when I most need them.

Mom and Dad on their 50th birthday cruise :)

So as I think about departing, I think about my wonderful family and friends that have bound together during this tough time to be by my side. My family and I have felt the hand of God upon my life through strength and comfort, which has been a direct result of so many prayers that have been lifted up on our behalf. We appreciate each and every one of you and the prayers or thoughts that have been directed our way as well as the flowers, text messages, and voicemails that bring sympathy and love. And as I think about all of this, I realize how these past six weeks have gone by so fast and I know my time in Peru will too. I am leaving knowing that I will have hard days, and knowing that I will have wonderful days, but all the while knowing that the Lord will not leave me nor forsake me, and that He will go with me to every part of Peru. I also think about how much my mom's desire to see me go to Peru has grown in the past three years since I first brought home the Peru-Study brochure from school. I see an opportunity in front of me that was 100% covered financially in a way I never thought possible, an opportunity that my mom even spoke about on her hospital bed during the last few days when words were painful to get out of her mouth, and an opportunity of a lifetime that will be both very challenging yet absolutely amazing. I have come to grips with the fact that I will be grieving whether I am in San Luis Obispo, San Diego, or on another continent like Peru. But this fact surrounds me while a sense of love knowing that the good Lord is holding my hand through this all. I love each of you so much and I can't wait to update this from PERU for you read!!! :)